The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves.
What can drain our energy so fast and drive us insane? Yup, you got it right….it’s Jealousy!
Jealousy can really drive us mad. I like the quote from J.R. Ward, Dark Lover – “Welcome to the wonderful world of jealousy, he thought. For the price of admission, you get a splitting headache, a nearly irresistable urge to commit murder, and an inferiority complex. Yippee.”
Amazingly, jealousy doesn’t only disturbs us mentally but physically too. Splitting headache, short breath, tightened chess muscle, stomach pain, and many more.
Let’ s try to understand more about jealousy. If we can describe what jealousy is, we can say that it is a combination of posessiveness, fear, rage, humiliation, insecurity, suspicion, and we feel threatened by our rival. We can agree with Shakespeare that is is ugly and a kind of a green eyed monster whom we have to beware of. The dictionary would say this about jealousy:
” A sentiment which is born in love and which is produced by the fear that the loved person prefers someone else” (Littré)
Well, that’s not exactly what they said in the dictionary. This is what is says:
typically refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival –
There you go. You’ll get the definition above if you type it in google. Now what can we do if we are feeling jealous? And why are we jealous? Master Osho says we are jealous because jealousy is born out of comparison where actually each one of us are unique and incomparable. When we become jealous out of comparison, we can become very mean. I would like to quote Osho’s story about jealousy:
An elderly farmer was moodily regarding about the ravages of the flood. “Hiram!” yelled a neighbor, “your pugs were all washed down the creek.”
“How about Thompson’s pigs?” asked the farmer.
“They’re gone too.”
“Hum!” ejaculated the farmer, cheering up. “It ain’t as bad as I thought,”
We become devilish, we are happy when others are in misery too and we feel good about it. But when one is winning or successful, we become bitter about it.
According to the ancient scriptures, jealousy is regarded as the 6 passions or enemies of the mind. They are lust, anger, greed, delusion and pride. Jealousy is the combination of lust, anger, greed and pride. If we indulge in these passions we become jealous. These 6 bandits are not outside of us, they are very much inside us. Jealousy means dissatisfaction with ‘who am I’ and ‘what I have got’. Jealousy comes naturally and effortlessly when you compare yourself with others. Once you get trapped into jealousy it will suck your all energy and creativity.
In my humble opinion, if we are jealous over someone else’s achievement, that means we have just admitted that we have lost. I am not saying that we should compete, but we should make that person’s achievement as a catalyst for us to be better. Remember, when we stop comparing ourselves to others, jealousy will disappear.
So what happens if we are jealous in a relationship? Such as our partner is having an affair? Well, first of all, we have to better make sure first whether our partner is really having an affair or it is just our paranoia. I think a little jealousy is needed in a relationship. Because it can be sweet, spark some romance in the relationship and act as a compliment towards our partner. But when we are getting too carried away, we will actually drive our partner away. And….ironically, we will face the situation that we have always dreaded, that is losing our partner to someone else!
For those of us who starts to find our self reading our partner’s emails and wanting to know what is in our partner’s smartphones, just stop! Because it is demeaning to us.. Of course we have to find out whether our partner is cheating or not. If yes, then we have another problem. We have to work out on the relationship. We have to find out what is it that makes our partner want to be in another’s arms. Maybe we have been neglecting our partner or maybe driving them away…. (to be continued)